Housewife or Workaholic?

There are two main messages sent through media to men and women: how we should look and how we should act. I am fortunate enough to have grown up in a time where some of these messages about women were being challenged and myths were being busted. I pretty much cross-dressed until I was 11, and didn’t know that it may have been an issue for anyone, especially my mom, who is seriously such a good sport. I'm wondering how a girl my age might have written this even in the fifties like, "I am so fortunate to have more rights than the women of the 1800s. Gotta go, it's 3:30 and I haven't dusted, cooked dinner, and raised the children single handily."

In my waking years of University where I took Women's Studies 203 and Sociology 201, consequently becoming a genius and an activist obviously, I saw the destruction of the "perfect model look" and the exposing of photo shop secrets, the mocking of the "perfect housewife" expectation, and the rise of new ideas of what it meant to be a woman. My whole adolescence and not long before now I sat back in utter disbelief learning of the anecdotes and advertisements that were once mainstream even when my parents were kids; like I'm talking advertisements for cleaning supplies aimed at men, telling them how much their wife will love them and want to ravage them for buying them. Boy if you think I'm going to jump your bones when you hand me a bottle of Vim you had better think twice. Take that vacuum back and give me the money to buy myself some new shoes. 

Source: http://www.eonline.com/photos/12322/all-of-mindy-kaling-s-looks-in-the-mindy-project-s-romantic-season-2-finale/377927

So thinking I was completely immune to the media messages, I was going to write this post about the changes that have occurred regarding the representation of women in mainstream media. Literally the only thing that came up when I typed "women in media" in on Google just yesterday were tons of articles and images critiquing the misrepresentation of women. Instead, I wanted to write this post about some women in the media who I think are good role models: classy women who serve themselves and the world well, or women like Mindy Kaling who are hilarious, great writers first, famous fashionable diva's second. I wanted to pour myself a big glass of white wine and throw some shade about why Blake Lively is obviously a better role model than Kylie Jenner.... then I realized not only how shady that is, but how much that would perpetuate the messages I so blindly declared "dispelled" and then spent an hour doing my makeup for a selfie.

I’ve been thinking a bit about those messages, the ones about how we are supposed to look and act, and unfortunately I think they’re just as bad as ever. First, let’s take the way women are supposed to look. Sure, Tyra created a “no edit” challenge on ANTM Cycle 22, but there’s a new ridiculous expectation in town. We've replaced the expectation of skinny women with incredibly fit and just called it "strong" and "fitspo"—call me crazy but the pictures filling my social media feeds of women with incredible abs, butts, and legs kind of make me want to skip out on dinner more than the Loreal Ads in the magazine. So no, the media doesn’t endorse skinny, they endorse fit. On the other hand, women can be curvy, but only if they "own it" which basically involves talking about it all the time and posting pictures of their curves like 4 times per day and the message I get is there’s no in between. Like I’m not comfortable wearing horizontal striped crop tops these days, but I’m also not comfortable taking selfies angled from below my butt…. So where do I fit?

If anything, we've raised the bar for women and just tried to call the new expectations being "strong”, and not only physically, but mentally, too. Women aren’t confined to the option of staying home anymore…. They now have the pleasure of competing with each other to be the most impressive person ever, or otherwise end up with no respect. Why is it that the only women grabbing our attention have to be alleged geniuses or speaking at conferences or writing a heartfelt book (and not necessarily a good one—I’m looking at you Jenny McCarthy) or have overcome some awful thing in their life (like being curvy and not owning it with enough selfies and consequently losing 50 pounds while out of the public eye for 3 months). The pressure for women to stand out, to be the smartest, prettiest, most impressive and “strong” person in any given situation is creating an absolute mess, and not a remarkable sparkling one. Especially because there’s a flip side to this one just like the strong vs curvy thing; women need to be strong but you can't be too strong or you're a psycho. Women need to get out in the working world to prove to men and other women that they can do what they can and 1000 times better!... but if they do that too much they're non-feminine, grumpy, terrible people and the worst mothers in the world. Seriously? I’d rather be at home in the fifties vacuuming in a hoop skirt than have to listen to this garbage. 

I'm a normal girl, and you better believe that despite my seemingly critical thinking I am still subscribed to my beauty guru's on youtube, I am still curling up in my housecoat reading anything Mindy Kaling writes (ok but her stuff is good, Jenny), I am a sucker for summer fashion trends, including busting my ass to look better in the discount shorts I bought, and when Beyonce tells me to slay I get nervous and try really hard to learn the Lemonade choreography. I think what I hope to do moving forward is just remember that the things I like need to fit in with me, and not the other way around; the best thing about this abundance of media is that I can also pick and choose which messages work for me. I'll take that working woman hustle, mix it with everything pink and girly, and a body type that's right in the middle. Take that, "fitspo".

Thank you so much for reading this week, leave me a comment or send me a message with your feedback-- it makes writing this so much fun! Subscribe, suggest a mess, and don't forget to sparkle!

xox