Thursday, 14 July 2016

Not So Guilty Pleasures

I’ve never really understood the concept of “guilty pleasures”, then again I’ve primarily experienced life in a world where videos of grown men singing and dancing to Ariana Grande and women in vans trying on Chewbacca masks get millions of views and comments like “oh you go girl! Express yourself! Go on with your bad self!” Plus, for some reason we let bronies be a thing (if you have the not at all guilty pleasure of not knowing what that is, spare yourself and don’t look it up) so I’m not really sure that we are guilting many people out of liking much anymore.

The concept of not being “allowed” to enjoy something based on who you are and what you are “supposed” to like doesn’t really take for me; I don’t allow any “supposed to” ‘s in my life for that matter, because nobody tells me what should make me happy except me. It baffles me that people are still made to feel like it’s weird to like anything (okay maybe except the bronies) in this century, but I understand not everyone has been freed from the unnecessary guilt and shame from society at large….so here I am to change the world one apparently odd interest at a time.

I am usually the first one to make fun of the extremely popular rambling list format of writing that appears all over my social media lately, but this week I’ve come around to see the merit in writing that way…..kind of. Here is my list of Not-At-All-Guilty Pleasures, or as the very popular entertainment websites would put it;

The 12 things I like and do not feel bad about whatsoever that I may not be supposed to like by traditional standards NUMBER 7 WILL SHOCK YOU and I've included relevant gifs …..list.

1.     Pop Music
I'm primarily into indie and alternative rock music both to listen to and to sing/play, so my friends are usually quite horrified and surprised when I throw on Drake's "One Dance" or only want to listen to "Work" by Fifth Harmony on repeat while we get ready to go out. I don't care if it's an intricate melody and I especially don't care that the lyrics aren't a modern contemporary classic, it makes me want to dance and liking one genre of music does not mean I have to sign up to hate another. In the same vain....


2.     One Direction 
You better believe I own One Direction merchandise (calendar, shirt, lip gloss), sing at least 5 One Direction songs to my boyfriend on any road trip, and cried my eyes out when my parents gifted me tickets to the One Direction concert on Christmas of 2014. I don’t care who their target audience is, I have been targeted and destroyed by their catchy boppy songs and will never apologize for that. 

3.     Creeping Hometown Instagram Accounts
I know for a fact I am not alone on this one, so let me free all of you fellow creepers from the shadows. I literally could write a list of 10 people’s pages I regularly look at but don’t follow. I mean, I don't know them well enough to follow them, I just know of them, and now know all of their favourite songs, friends, and staple wardrobe items. I am always terrified I will “meet” one of these girls for the first time in person and say, “your makeup looked flawless on June 23rd”.

4.     Not liking going to the gym
I hate exercise. It is not fun. It is hard and sweaty and make it so that I cannot breathe well. Side note: what is the deal with everyone thinking spin is fun? I went once and it's like an even sweatier club where your thighs are on fire and some crazy person with a microphone was yelling "I SEE YOU!" when I would stop and try to figure out what the hell everyone was doing with their arms and legs. I know that a young lady my age "should" exercise often and go win the cross fit yoga spin soul marathon challenge but I don't because my idea of being active is going for a nice long walk a few times per week, not lifting heavy things or not getting to sit whilst riding a bike. Also on the same note;


5.     Loving Carbs
Like, all I seem to read or hear about lately is that carbs are the devil and I should be counting my macros (whatever the hell that means) and to that I say: absolutely not. I do not in any way feel the need to cut carbs out of my life to be healthy. Have you ever had a carb-free cake? Does literally anything that tastes good not contain like 50g of carbohydrates? Yeah, I sit here and read health blogs on my tumblr and look up healthy recipes, but I do it with a large bowl of fettucini alfredo in my lap. 

6.     Going to movies by myself
Every time I tell someone that I do this they get really sad for me and seem like they need to fight every urge not to pat me on the back and say "you're not alone". No I am not alone but that doesn't mean I'm not allowed to like doing things alone. I am not weird for not wanting my friends to come to the bathroom with me and I am especially not weird for liking solo shopping trips here and there. Do you know how much easier it is to just do what you want now and then without having to have someone go with you? I want to go see that WWII history flick but no one will go with you? Problem solved, my friends. I go by myself and then there's no one to judge me for all of the extra candy I brought in my purse. I don't even want to know those macros.

7.     Doing that thing where someone asks if I’ve seen a movie and saying “yeah” hoping they move on from the conversation but then they don’t and I have to keep pretending I’ve seen the movie but my life is a total lie.
I have no idea why, but I do this so much, and I almost then challenge myself to see how much I can pick up about the movie just by what the person says about it to me. It's a real test in active listening, and I like to pretend it keeps my counselling skills sharp, but I have a feeling it won't count for my Social Work credits. The only person I will not do this to is my Dad, because he has incredible movie taste and if I say I haven't seen it he usually shows it to me and it becomes a new favorite of mine. Otherwise, there is a huge chance I haven't seen the film you're talking about and so far no one has ever been able to tell!

8.     Wearing “lots” of makeup
When I started wearing makeup (which was January of this year, I kid you not) I was so worried about making sure it "didn't look like I had makeup on" because I heard so many girls and guys saying so much about how girls look better with less makeup o" or that girls who liked to wear a lot of makeup were "cake faces". Well, I guess you better start calling me Buddy, because I am now a cake face boss. The more I have learned about makeup the more fun it has become for me and the more I love looks that require people knowing I have makeup on. I am over the nude eyeshadow and single coats of mascara, it's time for cut creases and filled in eyebrows for days. I am not sorry for loving to enhance my beauty.


9.     Pretending I’m in a music video 
This presents itself in one of two fashions, but always when in a car. The first being that when a song I like comes on and I am in the passenger seat, I will lip synch, throw my head around, somehow shake my ass even though I'm sitting, and do dramatic reaches to the drivers of the cars beside me, humiliating the driver of my own car. It is an absolute riot and sometimes the drivers in the other car are just as in to Ludacris as I am. The other way I like to do this is when it's a really slow, serious song on, and either as the driver or the passenger, I slow all of my movements down and gaze meaningfully ahead and out my windows as if the lyrics are directing my soul. It feels amazing, and I know I'm not the only one that does it!

10. Terrible gossip magazines
Do not even try to tell me you don't think Gwen Stefani wore it better than Lorde, I mean look at the percentages, she won by a landslide. I look through every single "Who Wore It Better?" and seriously consider that question as if my opinion matters, and then I usually give it aloud, regardless of being alone. I read all of the excerpts on celebrity weddings and feuds, and then I look in the next one to see the same stories and find the differences. For some reason I always save these gems up for when I'm in an airport but you best believe I am never bored on even the longest of flights when I have all of the trash mags to go through. Like did you see Leo DiCaprio running through the ocean with a water gun? Celebs! They really ARE just like me!

11. Taking absolutely everything that can leave a hotel room
Tacky? Maybe. Illegal? Well it better not be if I just paid $120 to sleep on a bed no better than mine at home and seriously how cute are those little ketchup bottles? This may be the reason they no longer give you robes in hotel rooms anymore and for that I apologize, but I will never stop hoarding hotel shampoos and condiments for as long as I live. Nothing feels more exciting than checking out of a hotel with all of that freedom weighing down my purse. "Did you enjoy your stay?" Oh, you bet I did. To the fullest, Dennis.


12. Crying
I love a good cry, and not so coincidentally I cry about a lot of seemingly not-sad things. Sad old man on TV? Open weeping. Ducks being cleaned with dawn dish soap? Bawling. Someone gives me a particularly touching compliment? Dramatic mouth cover. Marriage proposal on youtube? Boyfriend thought my lung had collapsed when he heard me from the other room. I also totally do that thing where I start crying and I'm like "oh boy here comes a good one let's think of ALL OF THE CRYING THINGS" and just start sobbing about anything from a fight with my mom when I was 14 to the fact that otters hold hands when they sleep. I am so over how being a "cool" or "strong" woman means you have no feelings; if I'm not cool then why do I have all of these miniature shampoos in my purse? And in case you're worried about this conflicting with my love of make-up, I do not wear waterproof mascara because I'm a champion diver, girls. 

There is too much going on in all of the other aspects of my life for me to be worried about what I enjoy, too.  If I was worried and guilty and secretive about the things I liked, I don't think I'd have the attention span to like much of anything. When I think about how many times I felt connected to someone or something just by hearing, "me too!" I wanted to give you that "me too" as you read, even if it's one just to keep to yourself. Thank you all so much for reading, please don't forget to suggest a mess, and of course, don't forget to sparkle!


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