Hello, my darlings! Ugh, kidding, I have a strict rule that I will never call anyone “hon”, “sweetie”, or “darling” until I am at the age where I start dressing like Queen Elizabeth II (except with more feather boas and less gloves). I apologize for not writing lately, but let me tell you, my life is the biggest sparkly mess it has ever been. It’s become more like a big glitter cloud, as if every contestant ever on Rupaul’s Drag Race has walked by me in a line and each given me their best hair flip each; absolutely fabulous, but still a bit hard to see and breathe at the moment.
I wanted to write this week about house hunting and how I’m totally handling it and just kicking all kinds of ass, buuuuuut unfortunately I still haven’t found the house. Then I wanted to write to you about my tips for handling the stress of all of this rapid adulting, buuuuuut so far my only tips are cry, hug boyfriend, and eat ice cream.
I have no idea what to tell myself, let alone what to write to inspire and provoke you lovely readers, so I thought that this week might be a good time to talk to myself instead. Sounds a little ridiculous for someone who wants to have a lifestyle and advice blog, but I think you'll see why these notes proved helpful. Without further exhausted night-shift ramblings, here are my notes to myself.
Dear 5 year old Hannah,
First of all, those purple OshKosh B’Gosh overalls you wear are amazing and as far as I'm concerned, you slay Kindergarten. I want to warn you, you're about to be totally blindsided: In about a year you’re going to get another little sister, you won’t see it coming because you're obviously much too busy with first grade and riding the bus on your own all of that grown-up stuff, but I promise you it turns out even better than only having one. Plus, she never ends up conning you out of your toys like the other one. Try not to worry so much about being the oldest kid and growing up fast—you just keep enjoying your Disney VHS tapes until they fall apart and playing house with your sisters. Trust me, in less than 20 years you have grown up a little faster than you bargained for, and unfortunately we don’t live in the life-sized version of our pink Barbie RV (we’ll get there). Don’t change a thing, kid: you keep right on living and loving being 5. In as little as 5 more years you’re going to miss your life on the farm so bad, so keep playing, keep that goofy crooked smile on your face, and never stop saying “I love you” before you go to bed.
Dear 10 year old Hannah,
I’m very sorry to inform you that your wardrobe will later become something you laugh pretty hard at, but for now, you go girl. You rock that clip-on tie and t-shirt combo, you little punk chique wanna-be. Dry your tears and know that just because you aren’t popular at your new school doesn’t mean you aren’t fabulous—you’re going to grow up to have friendships that way out-do anything you see in the movies. Just keep having fun, even if it's with one person. Enjoy the opportunity to meet new people because in a year when yo go back to visit Clive school it's totally awkward and you miss your Ponoka friends. Be proud when you skip grade six in two years, and ignore the kids that try to take that moment away from you and make you feel like you don’t deserve it. In a few years it actually becomes cool to be a nerd, so you’re, like, totally a trend-setter. Oh, and to save you any grief, the teasing about having boobs before everyone else stops pretty quickly. You have fun with your purple glitter eyeshadow and just keep being you-- moving doesn't have to be JUST scary...I promise you there's fun in there too.
Dear 15 year old Hannah,
Save me, punk rock Hannah. And I dare you to accurately tell me who's on your shirt.
Ok I’d love to tell you how much you’re going to regret acting like you do right now, but your “rebellious” ass (seriously if you want to be a rebel you have to stop wearing ill-fitting Aeropostale t-shirts) will be happy to sneer to mom that we actually don’t regret it. We learn from it, yes, and we change big time, so in a way we’re kind of grateful for the learning. Bad news, though: in a few years; you end up believing that mom is right…..about everything. No, I’m serious. You also end up apologizing for making girls cry when you thought you were Torrence from Bring It On the year you were cheer captain, and for ignoring the majority of your graduating class because they didn't know all of the words to Wicked, and for saying mean things to your Dad because he told you to listen to mom. But: even though who you are right now isn’t who you’ll be forever, and even though we don’t end up super proud of how we acted, I want you to love yourself and enjoy yourself, because that’s exactly what leads us to grow and change when the time comes. Have FUN with dating and be with someone who makes you feel excited and happy! Start standing up for yourself when people try to take advantage of your age and perceived naivety, because that unfortunately still hasn’t stopped at present, but you end up a basically unshakeable woman because of it. Oh, and experiencing depression and anxiety doesn’t mean there’s anything “wrong with you” like people say at school: you are completely normal. Some day soon, it’ll be part of your job to advocate that fact, and you’re going to help so many kids who felt like you did because of this experience. We go through a lot in the next seven years or so, but you are surrounded by a great support system the whole time, I promise. You got this, girl. Now go buy some clothes that fit for god’s sake.
Dear 25 year old Hannah,
I was going to ask you if everything turned out okay, but after looking back on all that we’ve overcome just with self-love, enjoying the moment, and an amazing family to support me, I feel like I know the answer. I really hope you’re happy. I hope you aren’t house poor. I hope your eyeliner looks amazing, your hair is shiny, and you love your body. I hope you own a lot of pink and sparkly things. I hope your life is still an absolute mess, because I don’t want to be bored when I get there. No matter where we’re at, I hope you haven’t forgotten that change and growth doesn’t just have to be stressful, it can be accompanied by excitement and hope.
Turns out that all of those pins on pinterest telling me to stop looking into the past have been left off of my "slay" board for a reason; sometimes the best thing I can do when wondering how the hell I'm going to handle something is think about how the hell I did it before. Thank you all so much for reading and bearing with me while I get all of this adulating sorted, let me know what you think this week, and of course, don’t forget to Sparkle!