Every year, especially since I left home for University, I
have more and more priorities; getting my degree, volunteering, performing well
in practicum, working, nagging my boyfriend, etc. My life is like that cute
John Cusack movie where he’s outside the window blasting Peter Gabriel from his
boom box, except in my scenario I’m trying to sleep and the world continuously
throws huge rocks at my window and holds up a boom box blasting, like, a really
angsty Three Days Grace song. I guess I’d better get up now.
So before the world shows up and gets out it’s boom box
every morning (but seriously, you are leaning on your car, I guarantee it has better
sound), who do I want to spend my precious and limited free time with? People who won’t waste it.
Your besties, your ride or dies, your clique, your main
bitches (if you will). I’ve recently after repairing a fight with one of my very best friends have started calling them my Long Haul Girls or LHG's. My LHG’s are
different from my other friends because they’re the ones who have shown me they
aren’t going anywhere NO MATTER WHAT. They're the girls who still catch up and see me when they can-- the ones who put in the work: yes, friendships do take work! And, unfortunately, Fifth Harmony’s terrific “Work from
Home” formula isn’t always a fit in this scenario, unless of course that means
you and your besties are spending the day dancing in extremely unsafe work gear
with a rapper—that sounds like the best snapchat story ever.
People do change, despite the
posts by millions of girls on instagram who took back their cheating man and
expected him not to do it again stating otherwise, and friendships fizzle out. I don’t feel like
my past friendships were a waste of my time; most are great memories, and the
others are just really good lessons in what kind of bullshit I don’t need in my
life. To demonstrate the things I do want in my life, I’ve
obtained a diagram from the Sparkling Science Textbook (Barrett, 2016).
Let's break this bad boy down:
1. First of all, all the LHG's have better eyebrows than this, but what this diagram is pointing to is a brain in her head. The LHG is an intelligent women who has her own opinions-- opinions that aren't always the same as mine! I find that all of my best friendships aren't with people who are the exact same as me, they're with people who love our differences. I'd use an example from some popular TV show here but I truly just watch Full House re-runs on Netflix these days and I am so not bringing Kimmy Gibbler into this. In addition to having her own thoughts, the LHG is thoughtful: she knows when it's time to let me have a pity party, when to snap me out of it, and who I am/why she loves me despite my moods. If she couldn't handle me unless I was happy all the time, she wouldn't be an LHG. Other thoughts in the LHG's brain include how much I'll laugh at the picture she just screenshot, when the next time we can see each other is, and the gossip I DEFINITELY want to hear.
2. The LHG is pictured holding some dolla dolla bills. No, they don't shower me in gifts and they don't expect it from me because they would sure be let down. But my girls don't mind grabbing me a coffee on the way over and they aren't keeping a running bill of the things we've gifted and grabbed for each other; it's all good, all the time, and it evens out in the end. If things get really brutal when we're 80, we'll start writing out a list.
3. The device in the LHG's hand is a cell phone. It's what she uses to keep in touch here and there and make plans with me. Here's where some of that work comes in: I don't need my friends to check up with me every single day, hell, some of my LHG's and I won't talk for weeks at a time when we're super busy, but the point is that they are still making the effort. If my girls are busy putting in work to live their best life, that's great. But if I never seem to be a part of that, if I'm getting blown off when I try to make plans with her, if her boyfriend is getting all of her free time and instagram likes... I know when that Hotline don't bling, that can only mean one thing.
4. In the LHG's bag are the following items: chips, gum, gin, a Justin Timberlake CD, and a knife. Basic essentials, but let's talk about the knife. The knife is to cut any bitches that cross us, but also to cut my ass when I need it. These cuts don't come often, and it's rare that I fight with my friends, but my girls know when it's somewhat necessary. My LHGs give me the hard truths, and sometimes they know it might result in us needing a little space, but that's all part of the long haul. I've even had up to six months of space from one of my best friends before but at the end we apologized and went right on talking about makeup and deli sandwiches like before. My LHG's love me and know that eventually I'll appreciate their wisdom, no matter how bitchy and uncalled for I deem it at the beginning. Oh, and in the meantime, they definitely aren't favouriting Nicki Minaj's shade posts or tweeting passive aggressively about me. *Not pictured in bag-- hot sauce.
5. The LHG has a booty that she not only will shake with me to terrible music from the early 2000's (if you can't slutty dance to Xtina's "Dirrty" with me you had better at least shoot the boomerang video) but that I can sometimes be a pain in. I'm not sure how many rap songs you've analyzed, but I like to believe that the so called "big booty hoes" also have big booty's in the metaphorical sense to put up with the pain in the ass men rapping about them, and if so....I ALSO love big booty hoes. My LHG's forgive me when I'm being neurotic or when I spent the whole coffee date ranting about my boyfriend and forgetting to ask about their promotion, or when I cock block them because I need to cry about work. What's more is that when it's important to me, they can let it go. An LHG knows that just like those dolla bills, it will all even out in the end.
6. Finally, the pictured LHG has some fabulous shoes on that I am obviously allowed to borrow, granted I can cram my hooves into them. Also up for grabs are scarves, dresses that have been worn more than twice, and hoodies that they will later have to dig out of my closet to get back.
Here's the most important part about LHG's: if you want to have one, you have to be one. Truth is, this diagram isn't how I pick my friends, it's all the ways I try to be a good friend. Even though I have a job, an apartment, a diet, and a boyfriend to maintain, you better believe I set coffee dates and walks and movies and drinks with my girls whenever our schedules line up. When I blab on and on about myself at coffee, I apologize and let her blab for a while. When I know she's having a rough time, I bake cookies, burn them, cry, and buy her cookies at the store. When I haven't heard from her in a while I give her a text. When she can't make our plans because her man needs a come to jesus talk I send her a Beyonce music video and reschedule.
You may have a different LHG diagram, but my point is that I make sure the people in my life show me the love I need and deserve, and that this doesn't only go for my romantic relationships. The people who want to spend time with you will make the time, and those are the only people who get to be my LHG's. That's definitely something I wish I knew in high school, because I think I would have spent a lot less time trying to impress people who made me feel more lonely when I was with them than when I was by myself.
Thank you so much for reading, suggest a mess for next week, and don't forget to sparkle!
xoxox
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